Do you follow me on Linkedin? If so, then you saw this post where I shared running my first 5K in a few months.

In the post I shared a bit about my struggle but quickly pivoted to helping my audience. In today’s newsletter, I want to share a little bit about my struggle.

I don’t know if you know this but I was a collegiate runner and top-ranked sprinter my entire childhood. I started running half-marathon distances and longer after the military. My big goal is an ultramarathon (the shortest distance is a 50K)

There are very few things that throw me off my confidence these days. Struggling with running is one of them.

I’ve always struggled to fit my fitness priorities into my busy working mom-of-4 life. But running isn’t just fitness for me. The open road is my sanctuary. My happy place. It’s where I find solace in my busy life.

Running is the intersection of pain and peace for me. It’s always at that intersection that I find my highest connection to myself.

You see why it’s such a struggle for my confidence, right? The closest I’ve ever gotten to finding this place was in my Reiki practices. The problem with Reiki is that I have to schedule it and travel to it. These are criterion that I cannot accept for my healing practice as it requires me to delay my current state until I can make time for it.

Reiki or going to the movies for me is like a scheduled doctor’s appointment for internal healing. What I’m going through isn’t urgent enough and it can wait.

My mother has been in the biggest battle of her life since Christmas. It happened shortly after my Grandma died. I’ve been in the highest state of emotional vulnerability I’ve ever been in.

I’ve been in an urgent care state for a few months dealing with my emotions. You treat that accordingly. For me, running is like an emotional ER visit. It’s much more effective for me than talking about my shit. I’m a do-er. A fixer. I need to channel the energy of my shit.

There’s a part of me that felt like a child for struggling so much. Emotional vulnerability is a relatively new thing for me. I’ve had to actually open up and communicate what I’m dealing with AS I’m dealing with it. Like in this post, for instance.

Being strong is something I’m damn proud of. I’m cut from the clothe of hella strong women. I’m not a Black woman who wants you to see me as anything but strong. My strength and faith aren’t to be taken lightly. However, I have had to learn protective ways and spaces to protect myself when I’m in a vulnerable state.

I shared in that public Linkedin post that I’ve been struggling lately. You are the only one who know how and why. I’ve chosen to only share my personal struggles with individuals who have identified themselves as interested in my inner circle. Not to throw stones at you if that’s not what you do.

Here’s the point of this: I’ve been struggling with internal turmoil but I’ve always known the answer. It’s getting back to my place of peace.

If you’re like me-the strong one, then you’re not in the habit of sharing your internal turmoil out loud. But you can’t make a habit of delaying your feelings and experience. The weight of the things you’re carrying will hold you back.

It will delay your growth and your ability to live your fullest life.

You don’t need my permission to free yourself from this. But I offer it anyway. What can you do today to release it? Not tomorrow or when you can finally make time.

P.S. Next week, I’m sharing a MAJOR milestone that I’ve reached recently. One that imposter syndrome delayed me from in 2020.

With love,

Nesh