Would you believe that I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to use ‘cringe’ in a piece? Ha!

Last week I shared that I hit a milestone recently. I’m actually prouder of my decision to dispel the imposter syndrome. I’m sharing this because I think it will resonate with you, too.

I’ve always known the power of my influence and voice. When I was a kid I used to sit in the bathroom, pretending to interview people. It progressed to me pretending to be interviewed. Then, my baby dolls became my audience for my speeches. I was all of 8 years old, but I knew I was meant to use my voice.

Fast forward to my desire to start a podcast in 2017. In the military and in HR, I’d have to present to hundreds of people at one time on various learnings and topics. These folks were VIPs, execs, and common folk alike. You’d think with my level of comfort that starting a podcast would be a walk in the park.

It took me TWO YEARS to get out of my head and launch my first show, Courage Hackers podcast. It was a solo show that I used as therapy above all else. It helped me to heal and transform. It also reminded me of my desire to speak and train (without corporate guidance.)

In 2020, I conjured the courage to pitch my very first paid leadership development program to a regional business center. My imposter syndrome didn’t expect much. It was my first pitch for that program, after all. But I took it seriously and pitched the way I know gets attention.

And they said yes! In our third conversation, we started talking about my fees. Mind you, I’d been speaking, training, and coaching for years. But I had never pitched anyone to do it to their audience before.

You want to know what I did after they asked me my rates? Ghosted them.

So cringe. Just recapping this story to you is making me cringe.

My belief in myself didn’t match my efforts. I’ve been down this road before in other categories of my life. I’ll share those more down the road.

But because I doubted their interest. Because I waited on them to decline me. I ruined my opportunity.

In 2023 I decided to set a goal to reach six paid speaking engagements. In July, I’ll be rolling out the inaugural leadership development workshop in partnership with the Citadel. That is my sixth PAID speaking engagement and officially reached my goal.

It’s important that I emphasize paid because imposter syndrome will make you believe that you have to offer your brilliance for free when you’re outside of your comfort zone.

I could beat myself up for not doing this in 2020. But I don’t. I had to raise my level of belief to reach these goals. What’s funny is that I only pitched ONE of them. The others came to me.

That’s the magic of attraction and courage. I’m currently deep-diving into The Book of Neville. There’s something he wrote that is just so powerful to me: Your desires will self-express.

You may tell yourself that you want to reach a goal or milestone. But deep down, your real desire is that they say ‘no’ to you and you don’t have to deal with the discomfort. As you saw happen with me, that shit will self-express.

The key thing is to get clear on your true desires and limitations. There are dozens of steps and stories that fill the gap between then and now. Stories for other newsletters.

But for today, I just want you to think about what and where are you playing small because of your imposter syndrome.

I find the hardest thing to overcome with selling your services, raising your rates, or communicating your boundaries is your belief that you aren’t enough yet to ask for it.

Where are you showing up in effort but secretly hoping things don’t work out for you?

P.S. Next week, I’ll be officially talking about my podcast and the next steps. I’m going to be highlighting courageous thinkers, too. So if you desire to increase your visibility and start interviewing on podcasts, you may want to open up next week’s newsletter.

Nesh